5 Tips for Self Love

By Charli Lundholm

There seems to be a common thread in the healing work I’m doing lately, and that is the need for self love. We hear about it, but what does it really mean? How do we really achieve it? Why is it something that we have to learn to do instead of it just being a natural process?

Most of us growing up were never taught that loving ourselves was not only an OK thing to do, but that it is also essential for our well being. The idea that loving yourself is selfish, or egotistical is common. For some reason we were taught that you are a better person if you make sure everyone else is ok and loved, but not you. WHAT? How crazy is that? How can we fully love if we don’t love ourselves?

Our very first Lotus flower!

Our very first Lotus flower!

Have you ever looked in the mirror…really looked yourself in the eyes and said, “I love you”? Most of us feel so awkward and probably start laughing and run away from the mirror as fast as we can. Why? Why is this simple gesture of affection such a difficult thing to do?

We are products of our upbringing and the tone of the society we live in. That doesn’t mean we can’t change. Just because we have some inner block to truly loving ourselves, it doesn’t mean it can’t happen. The first step is a willingness to try. And from what I have been seeing, our BODIES are craving it. Yes, your body wants and needs to know that it is loved BY YOU. This self love can decrease your stress, increase your feelings of well being and connection, as well as decrease physical pain.

So where do you start?

Step one: If the mirror idea makes you cringe, start by just telling yourself in your brain that you love yourself. If you can stand in front of the mirror and do this, even better. (Louis Hay has a lot of information of mirror work.) Start somewhere. Even if it feels fake and unauthentic, do it anyway. Find something you do every day and make that the time you will for sure tell yourself you love yourself. For instance, when you brush your teeth. There’s at least two times a day you’ll hear “I love you.” Better yet, every time you take a sip of something say it. While you are driving. How about with every inhalation? Now that would be a serious love party!

Step two: Do at least 3 compassionate acts for yourself daily. I can hear you gasping, “What? 3 whole compassionate acts just for ME?” Yes…just for you. These acts can be large or small. Have a great cup of coffee or tea. Take a wonderful bath with bubbles and candles and music. Get a massage. Go sit under a tree. Take a drive. Go for a hike. Sit and just BE. Watch a movie you have always wanted to see. Call a friend. Meditate. Work out. Don’t work out. Whatever you do, tell yourself this time is just for you. You are doing this and enjoying it fully because you love yourself. This is all about you.2

Step three: Tell your body you love it. Start with your head, your eyes, your nose mouth, ears, teeth, jaw and tell each part you love it. Move down through your entire body, really thanking it for all that it does and filling it with self love. Add your muscles, blood vessels, bones and all of your organs. Add your senses and your skin. Your body is an amazing thing, so honor it, thank it and let it know you love it.

Step four: Notice all the love around you. Notice and FEEL the love that your family and friends have for you. Fully LET IT IN! The more you love yourself, the easier step four will be. Step it up a notch and feel the love that the universe has for you. Love is abundant in the universe so let it pour into you.

Step five: Spend some time being in your heart, especially if you are having trouble with any of this. Think about the most loving times in your life. You might actually feel a warmth in your chest area. Let your heart chakra open and be expansive instead of constricted and shut down. Think about your wonderful attributes. If you start going into a negative state, go back to that loving memory. Focus your breath on your heart area, as if you were actually able to breathe in and out of your heart chakra. Visualize pink or green (or both) light at the front and back of your chest.

When you first start this process, it can feel weird. I get that. But if you stick with it, you will begin to notice a shift. People might respond more compassionately to you. You might notice you feel lighter and more open to all of the positive that the world has to offer. Your body, since it is totally loved and adored by you, may feel better, younger or have decreased pain levels. The benefits are great.

I wish you a wonderful journey of self discovery and self love!

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12 Responses to “5 Tips for Self Love”

  1. KatieOctober 10, 2015 at 12:24 am #

    Great advice for all of us, Charli!

    I once read that keeping a little piece of Rose Quartz, I think, in your pocket can be a good reminder to practice self love. Does that sound right?

    <3

    • CharliOctober 10, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

      Thank you Katie. Yes, rose quartz is all about love. Carrying it in your pocket or having a larger piece in a room are wonderful ways to instill that loving energy into your life. The rose quartz helps to open your heart chakra. This allows more energy to come in, as well as healing of old emotional wounds or traumas. Other stones that are good are rhodenite, pink tourmaline, emerald, aventurine and green tourmaline.

      Thank you for mentioning the stones. I can’t believe I didn’t add them to the article!

  2. SarahOctober 10, 2015 at 2:40 pm #

    I really like this article full of helpful techniques on how to practice self-love. Look forward to reading your next article!

    • CharliOctober 10, 2015 at 4:28 pm #

      Thank you Sarah! I’ve got all kinds of ideas for different articles in my “healing corner” of the newsletters! Let me know if there is something in particular you would like to see.

  3. Barbara WettelandOctober 10, 2015 at 6:14 pm #

    Oh my word Charli, this is absolutely beautiful and so very well written. I plan on printing these out for myself and have also reposted to facebook for all my facebook friends to check this out. You are such a blessing to this world and I am grateful and blessed to call you my friend.

    • CharliOctober 18, 2015 at 1:22 am #

      Thank you Barbara. And thank you for posting this on facebook. I appreciate you helping to spread the word! xo

  4. Wendy myersOctober 11, 2015 at 11:44 pm #

    So timely Charli!
    Have just been more aware of saying “I love you” to my own self of late… So nice you put this info out there! Love YOU! 🙂

    • CharliOctober 18, 2015 at 1:20 am #

      Thank you Wendy. Saying it to each part of your body is powerful as well. Love you too!

  5. Florencia!October 14, 2015 at 8:15 pm #

    Charli! You hit that proverbial nail right on the head of TRUTH and TIMELINESS! I agree that self love is the most important and powerful love we can give….Giving it to ourselves gets easier and easier, especially having the guidepost of your 5 steps to follow! Self Love makes it even easier to reflect it out into our world and to all people we meet. Even without saying it to others (especially to strangers passing by) the love for ourselves acts as a shining Beacon of Love Light that can trigger that similar love frequency automatically in others. I learned a great lesson in the car from a friend years ago, who, when someone cut him off on the freeway, surprised me by not swearing or yelling at the guy, but instead by raising his hand to him and his car and saying, “That fella REALLY needs a blessing.” Way to go! He shone the Light of Love in a beautiful way. And I shine it upon YOU, dear Charli. Love your blog.

    • CharliOctober 18, 2015 at 1:18 am #

      Beautifully said Florence!

  6. ChupacabraMay 17, 2016 at 9:35 pm #

    Once I got myself back on track and functioning self love became more of a priority, and I also began to notice that most of the women that I knew were not taking great care of themselves either. They often felt tired on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. They felt disconnected from themselves and didn’t know what they wanted or needed to feel “better”, they just knew that something was missing from their lives. What was missing was space for themselves, space to figure out who they were beyond being “just a mom.”

    • CharliJune 1, 2016 at 6:28 pm #

      Well said. Self love is so important, especially for moms. What a great example they can be for their children, to teach them the importance of self love as well.

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